I have recently been through a traumatic time that ended with unbearable loss. The sadness I feel is
I am really very sorry for your loss.
I believe your pain is real - don’t underestimate all that you are feeling. Losing loved ones is overwhelming, confusing and often debilitating. As the feelings are so strong they can often take us into such dark places it can feel that there is no hope for future happiness. It can also make us question our faith as well as bring up old wounds from the past, particularity from childhood. If this is the case, then it is a very good idea to get some professional support to help you address those issues and heal those wounds. It will also definitely help with present day grief and loss, your future happiness, and the restoration of your faith.
I also recognize that you are a very sensitive person and it would not be surprising if you were feeling the pain of those around you as they attempt to process their grief. It is also very likely you would be feeling some of the residual emotional pain of those that have recently passed, this is not necessarily a bad thing, it is a way to connect to them and show how much you cared for them. It is also helpful for them as they adjust from life to the afterlife.
However if you are finding it a burden and it is making it more difficult to cope on a daily basis, then simply say I can no longer carry your hurt, and pray that they reach out to their Spiritual guardians for support and healing.
If you can manage to continue to carry some of their residual hurt for a little longer, that would be helpful for both the living and the recently deceased. However neither will require that level of support for too much longer, as they each keep moving through their processes and letting go.
In regards to your partner, I can feel her devastation. Only time will reveal where things will go, but although life is going to be tough for her particularly over the next 2-3 years, I feel you will come through this, and will be stronger and have a more cohesive relationship than you have had before.
Patience, tolerance and acceptance is the key to manifesting your togetherness. You must as best you can drop all expectations of her, and allow her to be in her grief and what feels like debilitating shock at this time.
Some ways to help her would be to treat her as you would treat anyone in a state of shock; warm comforting foods, lots of warm baths or showers, keeping rugged up especially now the weather is getting cooler and a great deal of tenderness. When the shock does pass, although she will be in another stage of her process, it will be a place where you might feel more able to really help her recovery.
Shock is a very weird state of feeling, as it keeps us stationary, numb and often shut down to what is really happening. I also thinks it’s a necessary feeling state, as it helps us survive the trauma just experienced, until our brains can catch-up with what has really happened.
For those supporting someone in shock and grief it takes great tenderness and compassion, which you are more than capable of being for your partner. And don’t forget you also need to give yourself the same level of care, as a carers role is very important.
In terms of what you are meant to learn from your loss; there is probably so much, but you will never really know until you are further into your grieving process. Having said that, I do know it will change you forever in a good way. This is the time where you need to have faith that you will come out the other side, as a truly stronger, braver and more compassionate person than you were before.
I will be thinking of you and your partner and send healing energy to you both and to those you have recently lost.
Blessings and Much Love Claire