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I am 51 yrs old and very discontented with my life. I question my relationship, location of where I live, my work and financial situation but mostly my ability to live a happy life. Can you please provide direction and guidance around these areas please? One other very important thing is the fact that I stutter. I have sought help with this through conventional and non-conventional methods. Nothing has helped; I feel that I will never be able to live the life I was meant to live while being inflicted with this disability. I would give you my permission to work and heal my health and imperfections if you felt it was the right thing to do.
April 21, 2016
Thank you for your question.
When I tune in it feels there is a lot of information for you. I will do the best I can to prioritize what I feel would be the most relevant for you at this time.
And so…here we go-
The child in you is highly sensitive and throughout your childhood your ability as an empathic was never really understood or appreciated. It’s very hard for the psychic child to know how to create psychic boundaries to prevent taking on everyone’s pain and suffering. Naturally as time goes on, and this is not necessarily a conscious decision, the child continues to do this as a means to be loved and approved of.
Naturally there will also come a time in adult life when these old patterns will come under question, mostly because if it is not dealt with it can cause great unhappiness, resentment, feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem. Which is probably some of the reasons you feel unhappy and discontented in your life at present.
As I write this I can feel your inner child really enjoying the attention, perhaps an indicator that she is willing and ready for change.
So although you may have done some inner child work on previous occasions with healers or counselors, I would suggest it would be a good time to do some more. In the meantime you can get things moving by concentrating your efforts on supporting the child to let go of the pain of others, but firstly you need to identify whose pain she is still holding onto. This will not only be from your childhood but the pain of others you have gathered throughout your life.
I would then suggest you make a list of the names of those people, and then the people who have had the most influence, for example your mother, father, siblings, and ex partners; I would then write a letter to each of them on behalf of your child, and give back the pain through the written word.
There is no need to actually post those letters, burning them on completion would be very satisfying and deeply honoring to the child for all she has done over many years. You may feel very emotional as you unburden the child of the heavy load she has carried. But try not to be afraid, as it will be such a relief.
I guess the only thing that most people feel afraid of, is who will they be if they don’t take on the pain of others. And that is definitely the space that is the most scary and vulnerable to hold and be patient with.
But it is well worth the letting go, as in time new parts of self that have not been expressed for such a long time, if ever, have the chance to rise up and be appreciated, and in time shape the new you that is trying to emerge. These new parts of self may be what will influence your direction in work, relationships and where you choose to live in the future.
I am not saying it will all come together in 2- 3 weeks but it will need a period of time to bring sustainable change and a clear vision of how you wish to proceed on your life’s path.
The other burden I can also see that needs to be let go of, is that as a result of your child’s propensity to carry others pain, you as an adult have a lot of guilt and shame, because of the child’s feelings of failure to do the impossible task of making others feel better.
At times I feel this is crippling you emotionally and impedes your decision making, because feelings of failure tend to make people put others needs above their own.
You can use journal writing to help you identify the long history you have with your feelings of guilt and shame. This will also be releasing for both the adult and the inner child, and it will also be confronting, so please take care during this process.
In terms of healing your stutter, I feel letting go and processing the things I have spoken about may help, but I would also suggest you do some past life regression work as another modality for healing. I feel you have been severely punished for speaking your truth in a number of previous lifetimes, carrying this wound into this life and overcoming it will help you to let go of many karmic burdens. Which would give you the freedom to speak your truth, and most importantly that what you have to say will be recognized as having great value.
Finally it is not a good time to make decisions about jobs, your partner or relocating, do the inner work first and all will become clear.