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I feel like I am treading water at the moment. I am worried I am having a negative influence on my toddler. She needs me to lay with her when she goes to sleep at night. Sometimes this process can go for over an hour. I get frustrated because I feel like I have so many other things to do. I am under pressure to work whenever I can because if I don't, I don't have any money. I am not exercising and I am not looking after myself very well. I have little support from my daughter's father. It feels like a right merry go round. What can I do to support myself and my daughter better?
August 16, 2015
It is very hard not to get stressed when you are working and parenting.
But in many ways managing your stress will help on a day-to-day basis, but that also requires some discipline.
If you are in a cycle where you feel guilty about not doing enough exercise but also don’t feel you have the energy to do any, it can be really tricky to break that cycle.
I often suggest to clients rather than say I am going to go to the gym everyday and do a particular circuit, just try and go for a walk at least 3-4 times a week, which will then include an activity for your child as well.
Once you have let go of some of the stress and feel better about yourself because you did do some exercise, then you can aim to get some more strenuous exercise into your weekly regime; maybe only once a week initially.
I am probably not telling you anything you don’t know- but I feel it is good to remind people about not adding to their stress levels by placing unreal expectations upon themselves.
As I tune in I also feel you are a little depressed and maybe that is because your partner is not supporting you at home. I am not a medical health professional but perhaps if you can see a naturopath or even your doctor and have some blood tests to see what you might be lacking in. The common vitamins and minerals to help stress and depression are zinc, vitamin b6 and b12, magnesium, and also vitamin D.
I feel it would be well worth investigating. It is not a cure, but upping your vitamin and mineral intake will help your energy levels, which may be enough to help you feel more motivated to improve your general health and well-being.
In regards to your daughter she is feeling a lot of separation anxiety due to painful teething. Generally speaking your child appears very robust but she is also extremely sensitive. Sensitive children tend to experience teething on a very deeply emotional and spiritual level. Teething is about many things, but in essence it is about growing-up, and as a child grows so do they become more independent and hopefully adapt well socially. Which is all the things we want for our children.
However every time your child takes steps away from you she will also take a step back during each process of teething and also when she is experiencing illness.
As It is extremely hard not to feel frustrated about having to stay with her while she goes to sleep, especially when you have so many other things to do. I suggest that you give her something of yours that she knows is of value to you that she can have in her own bed, perhaps one of your own childhood toys or even an article of clothing. I assume you also have a nightlight in her room that you are able to leave on as well, if not then it would be well worth purchasing one.
Also as I tune in I feel some meditation music specifically made for children would be really good for her to listen to when you need to leave the room so she can go to sleep. Offering her meditation music will be like giving her a very special treat, and its good for her to see it in that way, but it is only to be played at rest times or as a tool for relaxation before sleep. She does feel old enough to begin to understand that you can’t stay with her every night until she goes to sleep, but naturally there will be some occasions if she unwell that you may still have to. Eventually she will adapt and really enjoy her meditation music and look forward to the peace that the music allows her to feel.
The only other thing that comes to mind is that at times she feels a little over stimulated prior to bedtime and you need to avoid this as much as possible. I know life doesn’t always work like that, as it is busy and not always practical to start unwinding your child by 4.30- 5.00pm in the afternoon. But that would be the optimal time to do that.
The Angels also want to remind you that you are a wonderful mother and you are providing such a beautiful and interesting life for your child, and that you are never to forget that. They know that life is difficult for you at times, but if you can remember that as a mother you are doing an amazing job and that your daughter loves you very much, not only from this life experiences but also from many other lives that you have journeyed together. She is truly one of your soul mates- enjoy and be pleased with your self that you chose to step up and bring this beautiful little one into this world, into this life.