Hi Claire I have issues around shame and as I am getting older am becoming more and more aware of h
Thank-you for your question.
It is very courageous to ask this question, as many find it very hard to admit they are conflicted about their feelings of shame and worthlessness.
In asking your question it may help others to also speak up about their hurt, which hopefully will lead them to find the help they need to heal.
Your abandoned inner child appears to be crouching down and almost hidden in a corner. I am truly sorry that your beautiful inner child and inner teenager are so hurt because your mum was unable to be emotionally responsible.
As a means of survival your child felt the need to become the parent, this is not an uncommon dynamic created between a child and his or her parents, in any dysfunctional family system.
It also feels that in a previous life you have been the parent and your mother was your child. You can perhaps see why it would feel almost natural to continue those roles as a means of survival in this lifetime.
Although you do not see your mother often, energetically you will still be very much engaged with her expectations and the relationship she is used to having with you.
What I suggest you do is find that part of self who has been parenting your mother and ask her/ him to disengage from that role. Ending this element of your relationship is vital to healing your lack of self-worth.
To help you identify your inner parent, you may need to do some journaling as a means of investigation and or seek professional help; both will help you explore how the parent in you is very entangled with the “child” within your mother.
The reasons these things happen is not your child’s fault per say, and therefore it is important to be kind to self during this process. Remember your child did what she/he needed to do to survive your childhood and adolescence.
Also try to take the time to genuinely appreciate and acknowledge the great job that your inner child and your inner parent did to shoulder so much responsibility.
Once you have disentangled from that old way of being, you will need to find some meaningful ways to resurrect your playful, creative and potentially happy child out of the darkness of feeling shame and guilt. Perhaps spend some time in nature, find a creative activity that could be fun, practice mindfulness and learn to be present to self and others in each moment that you can. This practice also helps to be grounded, to have good boundaries and reduces fear.
This is definitely a process that is not easy to do, but one worth persisting, as the benefits far out way the fears.
The library is also a good place to resource books on healing the inner child.
The other reason to disengage from old ways of being is that it allows a new way to be in all types of relationships, particularly the one with self.
Naturally with your mother there is always a risk that she will refuse to relate to the new you. But I feel hopeful that in time she will adjust and your compassionate heart will find ways to be with her that are healthier for the both of you.
The Angels are also saying that although shame is a particularly tricky emotion to uncover and release, because you have an awareness of when and how shame shows up in your life you are already well placed to be able to heal it.
The Angels recommend that you try to be conscious of how your shame is sitting in your heart and how it feels in your gut on a daily basis. As you keep monitoring it you will have more ‘control’ over how the feelings of shame influence each day you live your life, therefore reducing the long-term consequences of such a strong emotion. Even though the residual pain of it may remain for sometime until it is fully resolved.
This level of conscientiousness will help you to be present to this life defining process and will also teach you some great techniques for managing any emotional pain that could have a detrimental effect upon you.
And remember you have already managed to come through life as a conscious person wanting to do well in the world. It takes great courage and commitment to make changes that will ultimately affect the rest of your life.
I hope this is of some help to you.
Love and Blessings- Claire.