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Recently my ex husband for 9 years and married for 35 gave me a CD he has written and produced. I was wondering about my deep antipathy I have towards his writing and his 'view' of things. I shake my head and think, " He really, still just doesn't get it" Is it me who doesn't get him or it, and should I for everyone's sake work on developing more compassion for him or should I be spending time wondering; what it is in me that finds my buttons pressed?
February 20, 2015
Thanks for your question
At one level I feel it is quite normal to harbor animosity and resentment towards an ex- partner, however at some stage it must have a use by date. I feel for your health, well-being and peace of mind it is time for you to start working on letting it go.
I am not sure you have to go back into the story of the relationship to do this. That story that says he did this and you did that, but whatever he did was worse.
At the end of the day it is not your business how he behaves, what he does or who he is in relationship with.
Also if you criticize this man in front of your children then that is not such a great thing to do. It doesn’t mean you have to falsely praise him either. They as individuals have to work out their own relationship with him.
I also feel it is wise not to leap to the idea that you will suddenly feel compassion toward him, I certainly hope that will be the outcome, however resolving hurt between two people takes time.
As a general rule for healing, it’s best not to talk about him at all to anyone unless you are with a counselor or therapist, or writing down your feelings in your diary. If thoughts about him enter your mind then dismiss them as quickly as you can, don’t dwell on them or ponder the ins and outs of his behavior, past conversations or his relationship with your children. In time this creates good boundaries and also helps you not to be affected by what he does or doesn’t do in the future.
So far I have given you some very practical advice for the day-to-day letting go and for finding release from that old relationship.
However, what also comes to mind are two past lives where you have been a Mother and Father to this man. In both roles he as your child was a disappointment to you, and failed to live up to your expectations. It seems that the same pattern has followed through in this life and once again he has disappointed you and let you down. Both aspects of Mother and Father need to put this rest, otherwise it will continue to cause you pain and a level of suffering that is no longer necessary.
I highly recommend you find these past aspects through journaling. It is not necessary to actually remember those particular past lives, as both Mother and Father archetypes are within you. Connect with them and really let them talk it out, encouraging them to share their hurts and resentments. This process will help them shed their burdens and open their hearts to healing and letting go.
Take the time to give them the voice they need to express everything that is old and no longer serves you. It is a worthwhile thing to do, and trust me it creates a pathway for healing, although subtle, a practical means to process the past, given time and patience. Living in the past, as I am sure you know, can create discontentment about your present life and lessens your potential for happiness and fulfillment.
The Angels are also asking me to remind you that as a believer in Karma it is important that you acknowledge that your Karma with this person has almost completed its cycle. To help this process the Angels suggest that you have a look at what you believe this person has taught you during the time you have been in relationship. Then acknowledge what gifts you may have given him. Consciously recognizing what you have learnt is a pathway toward finding compassion and having gratitude for this man being in your life. It also provides a platform to help you part ways emotionally, with dignity and grace.