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I often feel like my wounded inner child is running the show, causing me to be reactive, overly emotional and chaotic in some of my relationships and life. Please can you help me to work with my inner child so that my life is calmer?
February 4, 2015
It seems that you are willing to take responsibility for your wounded child’s needs, and that is a really great start in recovering from your hurt and pain. Working with the Inner child requires patience, effort and consistency.Initially it is something that you would need to attend to regularly, even if it is just for ten minutes a day. In the beginning you may feel some resistance about having to squeeze-in another thing to do in your busy life. Trust me - ITS WORTH IT.
If the child is left unattended her call for help can dominate everything you do, everything you feel and how you respond to others. Once you have established a relationship with her, you will become more adept at managing boundaries around her input in your daily life.
Establishing boundaries will help you to be more functional, you will also feel more able to live in the present and not the past, and the quality of your relationships will improve. A side benefit to healing the child is that your creativity will also begin to flow, as will other areas of your life.
If you are not familiar with inner child work then I strongly advise you to seek professional help. Your local library and bookstores will also have an array of books on this subject.
IN THE MEANTIME-
Take the time to open up the lines of communication with her - through journaling. Ask her how she is feeling and be open to hearing what she has to say. It may take several attempts to feel a true connection, as the child will need time to feel safe and to trust you to be fully present and responsive to what she needs.
Once you begin this process it is vitally important you show –up everyday as promised, if not she will feel abandoned by you, just as she has been abandoned by other adults during her life. Prior to starting, set yourself a period of time, for example one or two weeks, an amount of time you are able to sustain before you begin this process. Once you have completed the time frame it will be something you will be required to do on a regular basis with perhaps some rests of a week or two in between.
Establishing this journaling practice will help you to find out the differences between your child and adult self. Seeing that clearly opens up a whole new world in being able to identify who is more at play in your everyday life.
As you strengthen the position of your adult self, you will find she will be able to support the child’s emotional needs more effectively, preventing the child from needing to collapse into her wounding and become immobilized by her fears and memories of the past.
Also when you are journaling it is likely to give rise to many feelings, for example-anger, resentment, grief, apathy, abandonment, rejection, fear- possibly terror. If you feel safe, let those feelings flow- continue to write them out, do some physical exercise to release then from your body or find a place with nobody around so you can express them aloud.
It is often good to do a short meditation after you have had an emotional release, something simple where you focus on your breath; simply breathing in and breathing out. When the relationship between the child and the adult becomes more functional, there will be less need to focus on the child with this level of intensity.
A gentle reminder, if you feel unsafe being with your feelings then that will be your indicator to employ professional support to help you navigate your way through the process.
However no matter how emotional you are, or hurt that you feel, it is important not to inflict your feelings of past hurts onto others. It is not their fault that bad things have happened to you in your childhood.
The angels are also reminding me to tell you that you are truly loved, you are worthy, and when you are ready it is vital that you also share your gifts with the world. As you move more deeply into the process other questions may arise, please don’t hesitate to ask if you need further assistance.